Such a long time, eh?

Christmas is upon us, and I am forced to do Uncle Santa's work YET again.

Santa is a rather thin person, but all of you people think of him as fat. That's where I step in.

Uncle Santa hired me exactly 135 years ago, when somebody had drawn him as a big fat ball and shown it to the world.

He couldn't have that, so he went about looking for the obese beings to do his job while he fattened up. He couldn't find a single soul. One Christmas day, he came down the chimney, sack, hat and all, and placed his presents under the Christmas tree.
Of course, with his eyesight, he didn't see the big black thing also under the tree. When he picked up his sack, that big black thing, me, also came with it.

And so when he returned to Lapland, he found this rather large creature inside his sack, sleeping deeply.

"What is that?!" he said. I replied, as of course I know your rotten human language, ""That" is me, a cat from England."

He noticed how overweight I was [I'm not sure you could miss it - EDITOR] and next year, I became the Santa Claus.

Wasn't that a lovely story children?